Gas Station Gary
Reads omens in the snack aisle. Somehow always right.
Says these teams lose
1.Michigan
Miss“Still limpin' round after barely wrestlin' free from a possum last week, and a beat-up wolf ain't winnin' a fight with a hungry Sooner.”
2.UCF
Hit“That Panther's sittin' comfortable on his own porch, and ain't no suit of armor stoppin' a mountain cat defendin' his territory.”
3.Duke
Miss“Left the back door wide open last week lettin' up 42, and I don't know what a Blue Devil is, but imps get et same as anybody.”
4.Georgia Tech
Hit“A Yellow Jacket's just a bug, and a whole army of Volunteers is fixin' to swat that nest clean off the porch.”
5.Ohio State
Hit“A Buckeye ain't nothin' but a nut, and a nut don't stand a chance against a Longhorn with a year's worth of revenge on his mind.”
6.Iowa State
Hit“A Hawk's got the higher ground and the home nest, and ain't no twister touches down twice in the same barn.”
7.Arkansas
Hit“That Hog's fixin' to go rootin' around in the mountains where the air's thin, and there ain't enough slop in the world to fix that.”
8.Kentucky
Hit“An elephant hardly notices a Wildcat swattin' at his leg; he just keeps on walkin'.”
9.Memphis
Hit“That Bronco damn near bucked off the second-best horse in the country last week, ain't no house cat tamin' him now.”
10.Southern Miss
Hit“A tiger doesn't play with his food this long; he just eats it, and that eagle's flying straight into a whole lotta teeth.”
11.California
Miss“Already got run outta the woods by a Bruin last week, and ain't no piece of fruit scared of a bear that's already been beat.”
12.Arizona State
Hit“An Aggie's just a farmer, but a farmer with the right tractor'll run over a devil, sun or otherwise, every day of the week.”
